From the times I remember, one of the guiding light for me on judging what is good and bad has been about,
I am below the mean or above it ?
The mean is the popular belief or accepted norm by the society around me/relatives etc., It took several decades (surely more than two), lots of great friends, books to understand that, judgement of such sort on right Vs wrong, worth Vs not-worth was only stupidity. Now, when I start looking around and look-back into past, the only analogy that comes to my mind is that, who puts that load on your head ? Is that your conscious choice OR society decides and puts that on you..
Making my argument more simpler, how do you make crucial personal, family or career decisions ? Is that our inner deliberation or external factors like peers, relatives and popularity. For eg: Should I send my kid to a CBSE school, Montessori or HomeSchool him ? I tend to believe that 6 or 7 out of 10 of us decide based on what our neighbours do or relatives say than understand the topic deeply and remove any factor of peer pressure or popularity in making that decision. I am not just saying that reading up on the topic is significantly better than verbal opinions but deeper read and eliminating the boxes (peer pressure) from our heads will do us and our kids a world of good. Often, I see the boxes we virtually carry as the Pic here. We carry those boxes so unknowingly that we never realize and also these boxes literally hide our body and face that we don't have a identity and only those boxes show-up, for us,
Contrary to that situation, if we were to carefully pick and chose which boxes to pick and align those boxes (Decisions and actions) to what we fundamentally believe, we exhibit our identity and don't succumb to societal pressure pressure. The pressure of needing to be above mean is so high that, if we go to a new social setting, we are forced to carry these BIG/NEW boxes, we never cared or even knew before. What I mean by that : Assume, we go a house warming ceremony of a relative and see their new big bungalow or their Benz and starting feeling that you are below the mean and chase that new burden, which was never your independent need or want. Imagine the boxes your are signing up to carry on your head !!
Epilogue: It is not easy to live life completely by our own norms and terms. However, the hope should be to head in that direction. Being free of peer, social or financial pressures is so liberating and one doesn't need to carry the boxes on their way and at a colleagues home or at a Mall.
This brief write-up is inspired by a great soul and a dear friend, who lived life that way and became a martyr and a role-model to many of us. Read more about Malli here.
I am below the mean or above it ?
The mean is the popular belief or accepted norm by the society around me/relatives etc., It took several decades (surely more than two), lots of great friends, books to understand that, judgement of such sort on right Vs wrong, worth Vs not-worth was only stupidity. Now, when I start looking around and look-back into past, the only analogy that comes to my mind is that, who puts that load on your head ? Is that your conscious choice OR society decides and puts that on you..
Making my argument more simpler, how do you make crucial personal, family or career decisions ? Is that our inner deliberation or external factors like peers, relatives and popularity. For eg: Should I send my kid to a CBSE school, Montessori or HomeSchool him ? I tend to believe that 6 or 7 out of 10 of us decide based on what our neighbours do or relatives say than understand the topic deeply and remove any factor of peer pressure or popularity in making that decision. I am not just saying that reading up on the topic is significantly better than verbal opinions but deeper read and eliminating the boxes (peer pressure) from our heads will do us and our kids a world of good. Often, I see the boxes we virtually carry as the Pic here. We carry those boxes so unknowingly that we never realize and also these boxes literally hide our body and face that we don't have a identity and only those boxes show-up, for us,
Contrary to that situation, if we were to carefully pick and chose which boxes to pick and align those boxes (Decisions and actions) to what we fundamentally believe, we exhibit our identity and don't succumb to societal pressure pressure. The pressure of needing to be above mean is so high that, if we go to a new social setting, we are forced to carry these BIG/NEW boxes, we never cared or even knew before. What I mean by that : Assume, we go a house warming ceremony of a relative and see their new big bungalow or their Benz and starting feeling that you are below the mean and chase that new burden, which was never your independent need or want. Imagine the boxes your are signing up to carry on your head !!Epilogue: It is not easy to live life completely by our own norms and terms. However, the hope should be to head in that direction. Being free of peer, social or financial pressures is so liberating and one doesn't need to carry the boxes on their way and at a colleagues home or at a Mall.
This brief write-up is inspired by a great soul and a dear friend, who lived life that way and became a martyr and a role-model to many of us. Read more about Malli here.
Rana,
ReplyDeleteA very pertinent post!
My wife tells me a good analogy which I think is quite relevant here. Imagine a person carrying a sack full of diamonds on his back. Bag so full of diamonds that it is very heavy and breaking his back. But the man is not willing to put it down lest he may lose it.
I think, many of us are like that man who is carrying a sack of diamonds. Costly and exquisite they may be, but what use is of that if it is breaking your back?
I guess, more than succumbing-to/susceptible-to external (family, society, peer whatever), it is more a case of we not being sure of oneself. If I give myself the liberty to think freely and choose things of my liking, we will figure it out in due course, I guess. We may make a few mistakes and also stumble a bit here and there, but will come out trumps in the end. The reason I say it is you and not any external factors is that the moment you are convinced and changed, you will slowly notice that the external world changes for you.
Further, there is no one size fits all. Going back to 'the man', if the sack is not breaking his back instead if he is having great fun carrying the sack, he should continue to, by all means!
Rahul
Nice simple analogy Rahul. As you said, if one if doing that with a strong conviction and liking inherently, we have NO problem on hand to solve :)
DeleteThis reminds me of the quote..Be aware of the company you keep, they are a reflection of who you want to be.
ReplyDeleteI think the set of boxes you are expected to carry depends on the company/social circle you choose to keep (in some cases you may not have much control over this). Generally people have a need to feel that they 'belong' in a group. It could be a group in any setting (School, apartment complex, office etc). So, people tend to do whatever would make them appear to be belonging to that group. However, a person with enough conviction about his/her decisions/beliefs may chose not to follow the herd and in some cases may change the norm. It is easier said than done though!
I think the key is to know 'why you are doing what you are doing'. If you are only doing it because you want to be seen as belonging to a group, likely you are carrying a box you need not carry.
Nice post, made me pause and think hard about the Bungalow and Benz ;-)
Swamy
Thanks for the Insightful note, Swamy. Wanted to belong to a group is strong temptation, one has to overcome :)
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteNice post, Rana. I'd like to add that a person's perspective plays a crucial role in such matters. Instead of comparing oneself with peers for determining how 'successful' (or rich or smart or beautiful) one IS, if that comparison is utilized for determining how 'successful' (or rich or smart or beautiful) one can BECOME, a person can consciously enhance himself and choose the path of his choice, equipped with better information. Such comparison taken as constructive criticism, and used as inspiration can do wonders.
ReplyDeleteIf I really wanted to compare, I’d compare me with myself. Myself vs myself a year ago vs myself a decade ago. That would be a somewhat accurate comparison to discern whether I’m going in the right direction or not.
Great comments Aniket (shhh., don't tell anyone that you are a fresh grad :>)
ReplyDeleteVery nice perspective on taking inspirations from success round or happiness around. Gratitude is root for one's growth and getting inspired by others is the shoot for each individual. (Effect of Aadarsh's science lessons .. )
Haha. Well said.
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